Vision Keeper
Posted on May 6th, 2008
by 
Ki
Ki
Just returned from the mountain and am currently enjoying the hot springs of Ojo Caliente, NM.
The vision quest was an interesting experience... I'm not sure that I'll want to do it again, at least in this form, and I'll need some time to process the information that I received.
The quest site was moved from Cloudcroft, NM due to fire concerns (the area has received only 1.2 inches of precipitation this year) to a remote site in the Cibolla Natiional Forest outside of Magdelena. We arrived late at night two nights before the quest was to begin. We took my 84 Westfalia campervan. On the way, a deer jumped from the side of the road directly in front of the Westy. Julie gasped and I hit the breaks and the Westy responded beautifully. I think less than a few inches separated us at one point. Everything inside was packed tightly, so only small items went flying.
Within a few hundred feet, we also surprised a beautiful bull and cow elk couple, and an antelope. We drove much more slowly after that. The only animals we saw from then on were jack rabbits, most of which simply stepped off the road, but some of which decided it would be fun to run in front of the Westy back and forth along the road. For one persistent rabbit, I stopped completely so that he could get off to the side. He did, but as soon as I started again, he ran back onto the road and zig-zagged in front of me again. Oy! (No animals were hurt during our drive, but some were a bit frightened or surprised, including us huminals.)
We passed the Very Large Array (VLA) of radio telescopes--featured in the movie "Contact"--and finally made our way into camp. It was remote, wild camping, so we simply found a somewhat level spot between the piñon trees, popped the top, said our hellos, and fell asleep into deep, exhausted dreamland.
The next day we built the inipi (sweat lodge) and set up camp. Jules and I hiked around until I found my spot in the wild... a lovely shaded spot with a grandfather juniper tree that must have been 5 or 6 centuries old. One part of its trunk was cut and so I knew that stump to be my primary resting spot.
If you recall, prior to this journey I had an underworld extraction done by Staci Tye, and in that session she saw a strong vine take hold within me. I felt that the connection to the grandfather tree would assist me in integrating the plant medicine. (Especially since I have a June trip planned to Peru's Amazon where I'll be studying and working with the plant medicines there.)
The next morning we held a pipe ceremony and held a four-door, 28-stone sweat lodge. The winds had come up so we weren't able to build a fire, and so the stones were heated on propane burners. The host and the seven female questers went in first, then the three male questers, and then the female and male supporters. All in all, it was crowded and I think I began to sweat even before the first stone was placed in the pit.
I'm not a "native" and don't claim to know or understand the Lakota traditions, so I watched closely and followed along with what the host and others were doing. A "door" in the four-door description, indicates a session where afterwards the door is opened and additional rocks are added. Each door added seven stones, so the second door had a total of 14, the third, 21, and the fourth, 28. The heat builds with each door, though the opening of the door lets in some welcome light and fresh air.
Each door had a focus: the first was on prayers of gratitude, where we each said aloud what we were grateful for. The second was for those not present, the third was for ourselves, and the forth was for something else. (Note: I'll have to verify this, as I'm a little fuzzy on the details.)
During the third round, we passed around water and were able to drink or offer the drink to someone or something else (the earth, a fellow quester, the drought-stricken areas of Africa, etc.). This was to be our last drink until after we returned from our quest.
After the sweat, we changed clothes and our supporter brought us to our spot. Julie walked me there in silence and we kissed and she left and from then on it was me and the wind and the sun and the stars.
I called in the four directions with deep gratitude, opened my mesa and set up a small altar for my prayer stick. (We were instructed to bring a pipe or prayer stick and so I improvised, not finding specific directions either from the internet or from native americans I asked.)
I sat on the stump and felt so immediately and deeply connected with everything. I felt the energy pulsing up and down my spine, deep into the earth, through me, and up into the heavens, and then back through me and into the earth, and again and again. The sky was a brilliant, cloudless blue, the land was dry gold, and the trees were that deep evergreen. Connecting the evergreen to the gold were strong lines of black trunks. It was beautiful.
As I sat there, I saw a procession of elders come towards my circle. Alongside them was another procession, this time of animals. Elephants led, followed by lions, water buffalo, and others. It was magical. They split as they reached my circle and the elders went clockwise and the animals counter until I was fully surrounded. I felt so protected.
I sat and waited and observed. It was so still and yet the wind was blowing constantly. I could just see the VLA and I watched them all turn in synchrony from one direction to the other. Seeking, like many of us, in this corner or the next.
I kept knocking over the altar rebuilding it. (The altar example I saw had two Y-shaped sticks holding a cross-stick on which the prayer stick was laid.
When night came, I realized that I was woefully unprepared. Being the unabashed romantic that I am (after all I AM on a vision quest), I decided against a sleeping bag and decided to instead use a wool blanket. Yeah, well it dropped down to 17 degrees that night and the wind was blowing at about 20 MPH. I'm not sure what the wind-chill calculates to, but it hovered somewhere around "fricking cold" and "ca-ca-ca-ca-cold." I couldn't stop shivering. I stayed up all night. Fortunately, I remembered that on our last stop in Flagstaff, we happened to see and buy an emergency space bag for the van, and I had it with me in my little duffle. I crawled into it and I think it saved my toes. They were numb and honestly I believe I was courting frostbite. Not very romantic, if you ask me, and certainly not the partner I'd seek.
So I stayed up all night, knocking about in my emergency bivvy wrapped in a wool blanket and watching a sky filled with the most amazing collection of stars. I counted shooting stars (11), and the most amazing colored lights splashed across the milky way in slow pulses. More magic. I was facing North, and the time went so slowly, I watched the whole pantheon of stars pirouette around the north star. I was struck by the grandeur of a strong, gnarled arm of juniper silhouetted against the uncountable spray of night suns.
There I was, spoiled son of creation witnessing the void from which all comes and into which all goes. The unmanifested made manifest. And like those stars, my head and perceptions spun on the pole on which society and my culture had affixed them.
An insight: I looked around and could see the landscape clearly. One could easily hike on this moonless night and only stumble or bump against the darkest branches in the star shadows. Yet back home, the nights seem so pitch black. I felt that our artificial lights over-trumped the natural glow of stars, in the same way our intellectualism blocks the natural light of wisdom that is available to each of us as our natural inheritance.
During the night, my shivering knocked over the altar twice (I repositioned it each time) and, when I kicked it yet again in the morning, I asked, "What's up with this? Why do I keep knocking down the altar?"
You are the Destroyer of Forms. Of Structure.
Oh. "Well, what shall I replace it with?"
Nothing.
Oh.
Spirit talks in such deep tones.
I'll write more later. Right now, I'm thinking of breakfast. :-)
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insight
May 2008
Hi Ki - I eagerly await future installments! I can so relate - sweat and your quest experience. I recall a similar evening spent shivering in the Owyhee desert when I was supposed to be doing some dreamwalking - oy vay. Or laying in puddles of water in 3-day rain storms in the desert when (again) I was supposed to be dreamwalking. I just did a 4-door lodge a couple of weeks ago - good experience but flipping hot! I learned what the hottest seat in the house is (as I happened to end up in it) - evidently straight across the fire pit from the door. Blessings….Jayne.
Hi JayneThat was exactly where I was sitting each time! Funny!Thanks for the nice comments. Do you have your experiences written down? How many have you done?
Sorry for the delay in responding. I have stacks of journals that are stored in a storage unit some miles from where I live and various thoughts on my spiritual experiences are recorded there. How many? From 1991 - 2007, I did quite intensive spiritual work that included at times monthly sweat or mother lodges (and at times quarterly) - so a lot of those! Vision quest type of experiences - several per year that consisted of days in the wilderness (usually the desert), fasting, silence, dreamwork, and ceremony. I also had the great fortune to facilitate a vision quest for a young woman as part of her rites of passage process some years ago. - Am going to read your next installment!