On the road with beauty and a touch of fear

Posted on Mar 20th, 2008 by

I just returned from a week + road trip in the Vanagon, Kuokomele. It's been suggested to rename Kuoko to Coq a Van, Van Gogh (yeah, I know), or even Vanacinno as it's color scheme is reminiscent of the coffee drink (brown with tan on top).

During this trip I visited my folks in Sacramento and the tax accountant, and then took off over Hwy 50 to Lake Tahoe and down 395 along the Eastern Sierrras. Although my visit to Sac was beautiful, sunny, and warm, it began raining when I left and turned to snow within the hour.

I was riding along the edge of the storm, with the Sierras keeping it mostly at bay. The clouds on the range were dramatic, pawing around the tops and reaching down into the valley. The wind was incredible. The van is a little like driving a billboard, and so the winds tend to throw Kuoko around; driving becomes a form of zen exercise. It was a lot like vipassana meditation as I was striving to be relaxed but vigilant, staying on course and correcting whenever a sudden gust of thinking would arise unexpectedly.

Driving in the eastern Sierra

I camped that night in an isolated closed campground that was burned during last year's fires. It was up a forest service road near the base of Mt. Whitney. There was nothing there except charred trees and brush and sun-bleached bottles and cans of party beer.

All was great as I fixed and ate my simple dinner. I took a hike along the stream and walked around the area. As night fell, I noticed that I was having a little bit of fear creeping up, wondering if I would be surrounded and confronted by drunken hoodlums who were irritated that I took their favorite keg spot.

Even though I knew it was silly, I found myself sitting without the lights, watching the dirt road (two cars came up it but took a fork to the left; they returned down the hill three hours later) for activity, and trying to stay invisible. So I worked at releasing that fear, knowing that Spirit has its plan and that I am, in theory, unafraid to die. Theory! Here I was feeling tension, releasing tension, and then noticing that it took over again.

It took a long time to sleep, and I figured that I'd leave early to avoid detection. Well, since I didn't sleep right away, I ended up sleeping in till after sunrise. No one came. No one murdered me. No one chopped me up into pieces and floated me down the river. No one robbed me. It was just as peaceful and beautiful in the morning as it was in the evening.

That day I drove through Death Valley and into Las Vegas, hiking in the Red Rock area just outside of town. Then I drove across the Hoover dam (two of my relatives helped build the dam and are actually inside the massive concrete as one fell in and another, in trying to save him, fell in, too. There was nothing anyone could do so the concrete kept pouring over them and there they stay.) and then up another dirt road past some mining claims and into the deep sagebrush. There was a jeep trail towards Lake Mead and so I took that for a while and after it became too sketchy for my 2-wheel drive, I found a pullout and set up camp there.

The stars were beautiful and it was more quiet than I had remembered. It seemed like sounds would simply fall to the ground silently, never going anywhere. Here, too, I found that familiar tightness and so I was determined to really work on it. I opened sacred space and asked for assistance as I worked through this. And I did much better. I read a little and walked around even after dark, because the moon was 1/4 full but it was shining directly overhead and with the silvery sage, it might have been an early morning somewhere else. I was so tired, however, that I fell asleep around 8, and then woke at 4:30. I was unmolested, untouched, and very, very alone.

That day I drove to Phoenix to visit with my 94-year old grandpa and my aunt and uncle who live nearby. Then I drove up to Sedona. It was getting nighttime as I approached Sedona and so I looked for campsites, but couldn't find any. So again, I headed up a forest service road and found a great spot for camping with a great view but still hidden away. This was open range land studded with piñon trees and lots of draws. I was the only one around, but I was also determined to work through any fear issues right away. I welcomed whatever I felt, even if it was tightness or constriction, and I released it. I opened sacred space and began a nice ceremony and was feeling very connected wit spirit. It was beautiful. Fear left all on its own and I felt very centered and held.

Around 10 PM, another car or truck camped nearby. I don't think they saw me, but it didn't matter. I was determined to face whatever head on. I also figured that I didn't want to waste time fighting an imaginary foe, but that if something showed up, then I would do so. I had a nice dinner, made tea, read for a while and then went to bed. I had the window cracked open just a bit for some fresh air.

Around 2 AM, I heard some heavy footsteps around the van. They walked along the side, across the front, and the down the other side a little. I woke out of a sound sleep and found myself still centered but concerned. So I opened the curtains slightly and peaked out. A huge steer turned and looked at me with what I suspect was a smile and walked off. I had to laugh. Spirit was testing me--or perhaps teasing me.

I slept so soundly and peacefully after that.

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